Spinsters

Thesis Film Teaser 

CalArts 2024

Words

The rondo form (ABA) is the basis of many Western musical forms.  The form can occur on a small scale within a melody, a musical phrase, or can occur on a grander scale in the form of a symphony, an album, a career.  Our minds are accustomed to receiving information in this way. It can even be used as a metaphor for life itself. We are but dust and to dust we shall return. ABA

I use rondo form as a conduit to deviate within a familiar space.  I often think of it more as a pendulum swinging one way and back to its origin having been altered by the journey.  The sacred becomes vile.  The vile becomes sacred.  Society has held a mirror to my face that did not show me my own reflection.  At a great cost I have journeyed to the other side of the mirror and with all of my might I turn that mirror towards you;  towards a society who is so sure and so ignorant of itself.

It is dark and lonely behind the mirror. The only source of light and warmth being love. But love that comes from outside oneself can be transient and fickle. The love has to come from within.  It is difficult to remain steadfast in self-love when it is drilled into us that love must come from another.  But what if that equation does not manifest in the way we expect?  Unhappiness and loneliness will burrow their ways into the innermost parts of the soul unless that space is already occupied by something.  Why not fill it with love?

This is why my work never ends in romantic love.  I convey relationships as a tool for us to find a way to love ourselves.  We can pour love out into the world but typically we need to be reminded that we are loved by others for our cup to remain full.  Thus the contradiction.

I explore the bitterness of these failures to keep ourselves full of love. I explore the destructive ways we take from one another as we belligerently indulge our own desires.  There is love to be had, to be felt.  But time takes its toll.  It erodes love and turns it into benign and meaningless sediment. Thus the urgency to discover a path towards self love, and my desire to present that exploration to you. Perhaps my journey will assist you in your own. This reflects the love I have for you all, a love that as a culture we credit only the Son of God to be capable of.  Is it really that miraculous? To love humanity in all of its beauty and all of its flaws unyieldingly?

It has been made clear to me that the potency of this love that I have inside of me overwhelms the individual thus my work has become a cloud of love that rains down upon you all with unbiased abandon.  Oh the drama.  

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